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You'll relate to the trials and tribulations while you laugh out loud! ~ Marcea, Burlingame, CA
Sundays - Jamie Lentzner blogs as Working Mommie Mondays - Gina Perkins blogs as The New Mommie Tuesdays - Lia Freitas blogs as The Preschool Mommie Wednesdays - Rebecca Bingham blogs as Special Needs Mommie Thursdays - Kirsten Patel blogs as Elementary Mommie-on-the-Run Fridays - Len Ramirez blogs as a single father of high schoolers as Total Teen Dad Saturdays - Olivia Adams blogs as Mommie-to-be
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Joanne's Notes
In January of 2007, the same year I launched Parenting on the Peninsula, I almost lost my 83-year-old mother. She had a severe case of pneumonia and the doctors said they couldn't save her unless I overrode the “Do Not Resuscitate” order that she had signed making me the decision-maker. I was asked to play the part of the responsible party for my mother’s medical decisions. I became the Parent. |
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This being the case, one of the emergency docs suggested to me that I consider intubating mom as the DNR is broad-based. In the case of pneumonia the intubating would allow her lungs to be emptied of the liquid and there was a good chance of recovery. There was no question in my mind at the time that this action should be taken. Within three days my mother was released from ICU and in a rehabilitation unit. It did however change my mom's ability to walk, talk, and drive. Her quality of life was never the same. At one point she said to me “Why didn't you let me go?” “Whoa,” I thought to myself. I thought I was doing the “parenting your parent” thing and adding years to her life.
Once mom returned to her living facility, she refused to have help. Although she lived in a retirement community, it was a daily struggle for her to get dressed and handle basic needs all alone. But the Irish tenacity in that woman would not bend for me to get her a caregiver.
My mom passed away on June 2nd. She was failing and had a touch of pneumonia again. Her attitude during this round at the hospital was not the same as the fighter she had been previously. When I asked the doctor why wasn't she bouncing back, the doctor replied, “She has taken to her bed.” She said a lot of elderly get to a point where they are too tired to keep fighting to stay alive.
Mom was released to a nursing home and in order to receive Medicare, she was required to get up out of bed to start rehabilitation, walking so many steps per day. I saw my mother walk with the help of an aid and the therapist, dragging an oxygen tank and it was heartbreaking. It took every bit of strength she could muster to make that short walk. That was the last time she got out of bed. The next morning she told me it was just too hard. At that point my daughter and I agreed we would tell mom it was okay if she didn't want to fight anymore. Within a few days she just slipped away.
I have discussed this issue with several of my friends who have recently lost family members and they all agree that if they had to do it again they would not have “saved” their aged parents and would have let them go gracefully.
I learned two great lessons from this: if you see that your parent or other family member is failing, verbally tell them it is okay to say goodbye. Secondly, don't try to keep your aged loved one alive at all costs.
My mom was a wonderful, independent woman, full of life, always reaching out to everyone around her. She made her choice to stop fighting death and although I am sad I feel confident that giving her permission to move on was the right decision. Thank you mom for all your gifts including the life lessons you taught me. I am now the matriarch of our family and will use those lessons to help parent my daughters and grandchildren. I hope I will be that lucky to choose my time to say goodbye. It is the circle of life in action.
Parenting your Parent by Jeannine Clark-Ganinian was created for POP to help our readers who are adult children of aging parents to understand and learn how to handle medical and social crises that arise. Be sure to read her informative column "Memory Concerns".
August is your family’s last chance to keep up school skills this summer as parents and kids alike start preparing to go back to school later this month. Jean Marie Buckley offers up some great pointers on this subject in "Keeping Up Your Skills During Summer".
Welcome to Cynthia Klein who will be chiming in as a contributing writer on the puzzling parenting of the middle schooler in "Middle School Mom - The Pivotal Years". Her first column gives readers an overview of articles to come. I know as a parent this was one of the most challenging periods with my daughters! |
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The August POP Calendar is full of getting the most out of the last days of summer vacation. Feature writer Karen Vanuska fills readers in on the value of your child being on a swim team in "Swimmers, Take Your Mark...". Don't miss a timely article by Kirsten Weiss who can give you some pointers on how to make your children more responsible with their money (and yours too!) in "Kids and Money".
Welcome to Kirsten Patel who will be our new “Mommie Brain” columnist as Kimarie Matthews is on overload with both mommy and work responsibilities. Kirsten Patel also blogs as our new Elementary Mommie-on-the-Run in The Mommie Diaries.
We'd also like to welcome Jamie Lentzner, owner of Jamie's Painting and Design. Jamie joins us from the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog which has closed it's blogging doors. Jamie is our new Working Mommie in The Mommies Diaries. Check out her hilarious and often controversial blogs!
POP is proud to sponsor the San Mateo County Office of Education's Children's art exhibit at Filoli which begins this month. Read about it inside and notice two of the pictures displayed on our cover featuring Dr. Sophia Yen and Steve Ko with 11-month-old Stephanie and four-year-old Sabrina Yen-Ko at the Filoli America the Beautiful Children’s Art Exhibit.
Looking for a great adventure for your family? I highly recommend Peter Pan in the Round at the Embarcadero Center in San Francisco. This is the play, not the musical, but equally as entertaining with a new production that includes technology. I do not recommend it for children under five as there is a bit of sword fighting violence that might scare the little tykes. See my review on-line at PontheP.com.
Til next month....
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