As a professional nanny of 26 years, I have potty “trained” many children, 23 to be exact. Or rather, as a young nanny, they “trained” me.

Mistakes I made and learned from:

1. Avoid the use of rewards, gifts or candy after the child performs the desired result. Put away the sticker charts and M&Ms. They are bribes and children know it. It can easily become a power struggle, which you want to avoid. It is their body and their decision. You cannot control it. Let it go! I had one boy who was not potty trained until he was four-and-a-half because the rewards had to be bigger and better every time!

2. Not waiting until full readiness: I do not advise beginning this process before the age of two-and-a-half. Boys are often closer to three years. It is likely to fail and there is a greater chance of regression.

3. Girls mostly decide on their own. I have found that it’s easier to let it go and let them decide when, where and how. Forget pull-ups. Too much like a diaper.

4. Do not potty train when there is a new baby in the house or any other big life changes such as a move, new preschool, illness, etc. Again, they will likely regress.

5. Avoid silly videos. Enough said. I can still hear “You are a super dooper pooper….you can potty like the best…”

6. Books can help somewhat in the process, but keep it simple.

7. Remember to look at it from the child’s point of view: It is so much easier to go in this diaper than it is to run to the bathroom, figure out the pants, take them down, sit down, etc.

8. No shame, blame or pain. Again, this will likely cause a power struggle.

9. Grandma may say you were potty trained at nine months, but their memory is likely faulty. Sorry, Grandma!

10. Let them own the process. Truly. Use lots of encouragement not praise.

The Big How To’s:

1. Choose a time when you can mostly be home for a few days.

2. It’s easier during warm weather—they can pee in the grass. Bring a small potty with you everywhere in the house so it’s close by. I like Baby Bjorn.

3. I would talk about how she/he is going to learn to go peepee and poopoo in the potty.

4. Hide the diapers and say, “Uh Oh! We’re all out.”

5. Ask them if they would like to wear underwear (previously picked out at Target with him/her) or nothing at all. (limited choice)

6. Make it fun! We’re going to do this today! It’s exciting!

7. You may encounter a bit of resistance at first, which is normal. Sorry, diapers all gone!

8. If there’s an accident, act like it’s no big deal. Next time you can try again.

9. Clean up the mess together, unless it’s a B.M. Urine is sterile.

10. No Baby Guess pants with zippers, snaps, etc. Just a plain, easy-to-remove elastic waist band on the pants. At least for the beginning learning.

11. Relax, know it’s their process. Do not compare your child with others. I don’t know any child who went to college in diapers. Although I have wondered about a few boys—I envisioned them drinking beer, watching sports and just peeing in their adult-size diapers.

by Susan Lehman who is a Certified Nanny, C.P.D.T. (Certified Positive Discipline Trainer) and Parenting Coach. www.solutionswithsusan.weebly.com You may mail her at solutionswithsusan@gmail.com (650)521-4359

.