If you’re the typical American family, you are not eating most meals together. You know eating together as a family is important for your child’s academic achievement, social behavior, sense of belonging, and security. What you may not realize is having dinner together even trumps reading to your child. The Harvard Graduate School of Education investigated where children learn rare words. They looked at 2000 unusual words and found 143 words were from parents reading to their children and more than 1,000 were from the dinner table.

Coming together at a predictable time each day keeps the communication open. Mealtime is a good opportunity to discuss the highs and lows of the day giving each family member time to talk about their day. Children need to know that there is a time each day when they can check in with their parents. They do better with structure, which decreases anxiety and increases security. No matter how busy the days are, the kids know that time during a family meal is family time. When family members are going about their individual lives like ships passing in the night, adolescents can feel lonely. Making time for the family meal communicates that time together is important and more specifically, that the adolescent is important.

The family meal is a coming together for the purpose of physical, mental, and emotional nourishment.

The Happy Meal does not mean a different meal for each person. The family can plan the menu together, recognizing the importance of a healthy, balanced meal.

Ellyn Satter, a nutritionist and psychologist, states, “Parents are responsible for the what, when, and where of feeding, and the child is responsible for the how much and whether of eating. Put it on the plate and leave it at that.” Another option is to serve meals family-style letting kids serve themselves. Parents model many important behaviors at the dinner table. They model healthy eating by eating a variety of foods. They model good manners, social skills, being polite, showing compassion, and being respectful.

In our busy, stressful lives, the family meal gives the family a time to decompress and reconnect with each other. The Happy Meal does not require each family member come to the table happy; they may not even leave the meal feeling happy.

Children need to feel that they have been heard. Studies have shown positive, long-term results of families having dinner together. Children become resilient adults. Nourishing your child’s body, mind, and emotions increases your child’s self esteem. Increased sense of self may help her or him choose the right university or nurture a budding talent. There may be a “prize” at the bottom of the bag of that Happy Meal; not only are children happier, but parents find they’re happier too!

How can you pull this Happy Meal off? More from Barbara Tenner in our next issue.