The holidays are here once again. For many people, this is a time to bask in the warm comfort of their family, perhaps while quietly sipping eggnog by the fire (or some other similar Norman Rockwell-esque seasonal activity). But for me, it means spending lots of time on an emotional rollercoaster of watching my highly excitable children continuously vacillate between ecstatic joy and deep despair. No matter the circumstance, it’s impossible for my kids to have a purely enjoyable experience without one of them making the other one angry or sad. And in the rare instances when they don’t emotionally or physically hurt one another, they have a habit of doing it to themselves anyway.

Even outside of the holidays, this pattern of behavior is all too common. Just last month, my daughters were preparing to take their daily showers and instead of taking them separately as usual, they thought it would be fun to have a “shower party” and take their showers together. My wife very kindly volunteered to oversee the kids’ shared shower and I had the luxury of hanging back and listening in on the many giggles emanating from the bathroom. Yet as much as I was enjoying the sound of my daughters having fun and goofing around, I knew that it was only a matter of time until someone started crying. No matter how much fun they seem to have in any given moment, it’s inevitable that things take a turn for the worse at some point. In fact, as I stood there dreading the explosion to come, I realized this pretty much epitomized the experience of being a parent. One moment, there’s insane cuteness. Then, in the blink of an eye, there’s only misery and suffering.

The holiday season only serves to increase the intensity of such emotional extremes. I suppose much of it has to do with the excitement that comes with the season and the break from the usual school/work routines—not to mention the promise of gifts and sweet desserts at every turn. All of this culminates in a very large family gathering at my in-laws’ house. My wife and her sisters all live locally and they have a total of eight kids between them, ranging from age four through ten. In other words, when all the kids get together, it’s pure mayhem—though I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s quite wonderful to see all the kids running around and laughing together. However, at some point, one of the kids (frequently one of mine) starts crying. You can practically set your watch to it. Without fail, one of the kids falls, gets in a fight over a toy, can’t get their way or finds themselves in any other number of situations that can only end in tragedy. They just can’t seem to help themselves. Once this happens, things never quite return back to the purely joyful mood that previously prevailed. The sad child inevitably spends the rest of the event moping around and doing everything they can to ensure everyone—fellow kids and adults alike—share in their misery in one way or another.

If I can wax philosophical for a moment, I suppose this combination of ecstasy and agony describes life in general. Sometimes it feels as if it’s our lot in life to be punished for being too happy for too long. Heck, philosophers, theologians and artists from the beginning of time have been grappling with this experiential duality. Many of them have suggested that it’s the bad things in life that actually allow us to fully appreciate the good things. Maybe they’re right. Perhaps we really do need a little suffering to motivate us to embrace those fleeting moments of delight when we’re lucky enough to have them.

So the next time my kids decide to have a “shower party,” I’m going to try harder to let myself enjoy those heartwarming giggles without succumbing to that feeling of dread of whatever conflict is coming around the corner. The same goes for our upcoming holiday family gathering at my in-laws’ house. Sure, those moments of kiddie bliss might be fleeting, but it’s wonderful while it lasts. After all, isn’t that what the holiday season is all about?

by Steve Shapiro who lives and works in the Silicon Valley, is completely wrapped around the fingers of his two young daughters, and has permanently entrusted his heart into his lovely wife's safekeeping. Prior to fatherhood he was known to appear in the occasional local theatrical production. He now satisfies his theatrical ambitions by entertaining his kids with silly songs at the piano.