I have two very young daughters just eighteen months apart in age. So if there's one word that best describes life at my house, it's "drama." As such, I thought it would be appropriate to craft a couple of dramatic dialogues that I think perfectly encapsulate my kids’ melodramatic inclinations.

Scene One
CHARACTERS: Daughter 1 (age three) and a classmate
SETTING: Preschool classroom at 9am . . . . . .
CLASSMATE: How's it going?
DAUGHTER 1: Pretty good. Just spent the morning screaming at the top of my lungs and crying uncontrollably for about 20 minutes.
CLASSMATE: Awesome. Any particular reason?
DAUGHTER 1: What do you mean?
CLASSMATE: Well, why did you scream and cry for so long?
DAUGHTER 1: I don't follow.
CLASSMATE: Never mind. So what else?
DAUGHTER 1: My banana was flawed.
CLASSMATE: Huh?
DAUGHTER 1: The banana I had with breakfast had a little stringy thingy on it.
CLASSMATE: It did? I hate those stringy banana thingies! So what did you do?
DAUGHTER 1: Screamed and cried uncontrollably.

Scene Two
CHARACTERS: Daughter 2 (age four-and-a-half ) and a classmate
SETTING: Preschool classroom at 9:05am . . . . . .
CLASSMATE: Hey, there! How's your morning been going?
DAUGHTER 2: Pretty good. When I woke up and went to the bathroom, I decided I wanted someone to help me today.
CLASSMATE: But haven't you been going all by yourself for, like, a year now?
DAUGHTER 2: Of course. So what's your point?
CLASSMATE: Gotcha. So what did you do?
DAUGHTER 2: Whined and sulked.
CLASSMATE: Cool.
DAUGHTER 2: Then after breakfast, I brushed my teeth with my Daddy but I wanted to put the toothbrush under the faucet, not him.
CLASSMATE: Did he let you?
DAUGHTER 2: Yeah, but he already started doing it before I told him I wanted to do it.
CLASSMATE: Criminal. So what did you do?
DAUGHTER 2: Whined and sulked.
CLASSMATE: Can’t say I blame you. Sounds like you had quite a day so far.
DAUGHTER 2: Just your average morning.

I often wonder how two otherwise sweet little girls could be so trying on my nerves and my mental health. Sure, my wife and I could do things like carefully inspect every banana before we hand it over or methodically follow a fully documented tooth-brushing protocol. But they'll just find something else to launch them into a new state of high drama to make Meryl Streep proud.

I can only look forward to the day when they’re all grown and have families of their own. Most likely, they too will have front row seats to their kids' dramatic episodes. Once that happens, if either one of them can then tell me that they are able to cope without at least some negative impact to their nervous system, that would be a true Oscar-worthy performance.